[kaleidoscope]

im setting myself up for failure with attempts you so naively ignore.
i couldnt be what you wanted or what i wanted for that matter.
with a heart so brittle, i was always meant to shatter.
some say you are unloveable.
i see what they mean.
some days im uncomfortable with the in between.
some days i walk with a tourniquet to stop the bleeding; havent you seen?
so i took you under my wing, hoping you had your answer
but at this point, you miss me like a survivor misses cancer.
just remember i never wanted it to come to this.
disaster-ships are my specialty.
relationships arent my cup of tea.
i never could make you happy.
love lost but not forgetten.
ill save your picture for the same reason
people save souvenirs from disasters.
and the pictures of us together and im smiling?
i threw those away because it only reminds me that im dying.
and so every night i dream about killing myself,
because it seems that everyday i wake up in hell.
i need to bury this, im going to go find a shovel.